Only when I’m Awake
“I don’t know where to start” All this prying and preaching Professional my Arse Couldn’t find a needle in a haystack Has me down as a personality disorder “Start at the beginning Who are you now?” Through this window I Spy with my weeping eye the Summer house where within a paper thin cocoon bides Still. Through the window of his eyes left wide open, I came. Like a robber in the night “Tell me their names” Their priests call me demon…Ha! They can’t exorcise at the cellular level. I am the spirochaete, the bacterium, the virus. Destroy me and his world will end…abruptly. “Do names really matter? It’s their actions, surely” I made my way here, here where the heart is… And the lungs, the liver, the lights. So very invitingly soft… But most of all in the soul Where his love for life dwells. “One, her name is Loa. Lives behind my eyes, twitching. switching side to side, she migrates with the light. Cajoling, goading me in the night, says she loves me Says she’s trying to worm her way into my affections.
A W W W W W W W W W W W
“How many?” I am the lover from beyond the mirror. Janus, two faced, you’ll find me waiting. A multitude beguiling, scowling, smiling. Comedy, Tragedy, we thrive intertwined. I am Legion… “Oh god help me, I no longer know!” inside lies a simulacrum of a human being a spike pierces the left eye a single red rose rotten, gangrenous. Gasoline and matches Conflagration Done loving the Alien “Do you suffer much from nightmares?” What is this hubris This free Will? We are… Undone “Only when I’m awake” ********* This was, as you may have guessed, my firstborn attempt for the loving the alien project. It never got past the final edit due to the mad bitch who (“lives inside my head and stops me sleeping”* ) deciding to write a B movie spoof instead. Ha! Still words are never lost, just parked up for a while on the far side of the lot. Waiting patiently for someone to turn up with the jump starter leads. And that leads me to post this regardless. Let me know what you think? *’Celestine’ by Kirsty MacColl …..rest in peace ✨🙏 Photo by sai pixels on Unsplash
Seajade,
This felt like being inside a mind mid-interrogation: sharp, fragmented, refusing to settle.
I love the way the questioning voice tries to pin things down while everything else keeps slipping form. The multiplicity, the infection imagery, the myth — it’s chaotic, but intentionally so.
And that final line?
“Only when I’m awake.”
That lands. Hard.
It doesn’t need explaining. It just sits there and aches.
Oh my, Sea! So very much. The worm and her insidious antics ( and that photo!) and all the twists and turns of interrogation and introspection. I need to read this a few more times. (Also, bless Kirsty 💕)